To Love or Not To Love...when applying to the Peace Corps

So, about a month ago I gave you a quickie update. Well, I still don't know what the heck I'm doing with my life. After my status was put on hold...I didn't necessarily give UP, but I guess I just thought maybe it was a sign of some sort. Now, all I can think about is Peace Corps (just like before...) and to me, that is an even GREATER sign that this is what I'm meant to do.

The ONLY hesitation I have now stems from the fact that I am now in a relationship. All mushiness aside, I kinda KNEW this would happen. I mean, that's how life is...it throws you curveballs just to test you. For goodness sake, I was single for like 2+ years...dating aimlessly...bored with the whole dating scene...ready to meet my Peruvian (or Ecuadoran, or Dominican, or Costa Rican...etc.) husband through the PC...HAHAHA justttttttt kidding!!

Seriously though, the idea of finding a boyfriend was definitely not on my radar. So now that I have one, I'm left trying to figure out what the heck to do with him if I do get invited for a PC post...

Granted, I'm not even medically cleared yet. But I know that I will be...hopefully lol. Still, my availability to leave won't be until after October 10, 2010, since that's one of my best friend's wedding date and I'll be a blushing bride..smaid! :-)
Problem is that by that time, if we're together still, we'll have spent a whole year building something that I'll just have to kick to the curb! I mean I'd never expect him to try and maintain a long distance (cross the seas) relationship for two years and three frikkin months!

So out of all this rambling, my dilemma is this...is it better to end things while it's still early and save us both the heartache (even though I have no certainty that I'll even be chosen for PC?) orrrr, just suck it up, wait it out, and figure out how to cross that bridge when we get to it (even though it'll probably cause severe emotional distress? lol)

Answers? Ideas? Comments? Questions?

Floating Thoughts...

* Jeez...this waiting business sure BLOWS!

* What's with all these PCVs meeting locals and getting married in less than a year? I mean, REALLY? (MEANWHILE, watch me come back with an Aztec hubby...LOL)

* Now that I just received information that I may have to move out of my apartment in like a couple of months, or maybe even less time (this is tragic), I'm wondering if it even makes sense for me to find another setup like I have now...you know, with my roommate. Granted, my nomination is for 8 months from now, but if we're signing a 1-year lease, I don't want to leave her hanging! hmm...decisions...

* Grad school? Hmm...does it makes sense for me to apply & enroll in grad school for the fall semester? What if PC turns around and offers me the opportunity to leave early?? I'd be pissed...my other option is to start this online undergrad course...it's CUNY so it'll be like 500/class...two classes will enable my loans to be deferred. hmm...decisions...

* Love life...it's been kinda rocky lately (what else is new Shadé? ha!) I mean...on the one hand, maybe it's a blessing that my relationships keep coming to screeching halts seeing as how I am planning on jetting across the world in less than a year! (if all goes according to plan) Still! 8 months is a long ass time to try to avoid forming a connection with someone isn't it? I've told myself that I'm just going to go with the flow of things...but at this moment....there is NO flow LOL (oh well...more ME time )